


He Did it for the Vine

by turntechSleepyhead



Category: Homestuck
Genre: AU, Age Difference, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, M/M, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-24
Updated: 2016-01-29
Packaged: 2017-12-30 08:37:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1016472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/turntechSleepyhead/pseuds/turntechSleepyhead
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“How bout I make you a deal,” you offer him. “You work here for a year, to make up for the trouble you’re causing to businesses everywhere, and this doesn’t get mentioned to your family or the cops.” It comes out more like an order than a question, but that’s kind of what you’re going for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A prompt from a tumblr user! I haven't written in a while but the prompt interested me so I'm giving it a shot.  
> 

== > Be the comedic genius

Your name is John Egbert, and you are a comedic genius. You’ve always been a prankster, ever since you were old enough to throw a pie with your tiny toddler hands, but ever since your discovery of social media, you’ve become an unstoppable pranking master. You started filming your antics a few years ago and uploading them to sites like youtube and vine. At first they were mostly pranks on your dad since you didn’t really leave your house much, but everything escalated when one of your videos went viral and you started taking requests.

After that, you started being more public with your pranking. It didn’t take you long to realize that pranking strangers sometimes results in you being chased down the street by tall, intimidating groups of people. Since you are somewhat lacking in the muscle area, this probably isn’t so much of a good idea. And hey! That’s not to say you’re not strong. You’re perfectly capable with hammerkind and can definitely hold your own if it comes to strifing. But still, you’d rather not risk getting the shit beaten out of you for a prank. So you moved on to some more… physical humor. You don’t want to hurt anyone, so you make sure your tricks only involve objects. No one really cares about that stuff, right?

You do things like causing mayhem in the supermarket with cart-jousting and breaking milk cartons on the floor. Or like last week when you managed to redress a large group of mannequins in the JC Penny and put them outside of the stalls in the restroom to scare shoppers. You dressed all the female mannequins in the worst combinations you could come up with, and you put all the male mannequins in women’s lingerie. That last part actually probably wasn’t such a good idea. You remember wondering briefly what you would look like in something like that. But NOPE you pushed that thought out of your head as fast as you could. Wow, pranks sure can do some strange things to a guy. You start getting weird ideas. Yeah, that’s it. Because you are definitely not a homosexual.

This week, you think you’re going to do something a little more local. You walk down the street, scoping out potential targets. The Texas heat is really getting to you, but you should wear your hoodie if you don’t want to be recognized. If the store is small, you’re going to have to get away pretty fast. You stop at the front of a store called “Striders’” with an 8-bit broken record on the sign. You’ve never been in here before, but you know it’s primarily a music store, but that they also buy and sell old video games and movies. When you walk in, you notice that the aisles mostly run parallel with the desk at the back of the store. Perfect. The kid at the register won’t even see you, especially wearing those dumb shades. The store is devoid of customers aside from you and a couple checking through some cd’s. You probably don’t have to worry too much about running into anyone.

  
You browse through the aisles of the movie section, camera in-hand. You’re ready to make some hilarious sharpie alterations to some movie covers to start with when you see something out of the corner of your eye and- What the fuck? Is that a puppet? It is extremely unsettling, and it’s smiling at you. You could swear that thing hadn’t been on the shelf before. You choose to ignore the… puppet, in favor of some seriously hilarious antics. You uncap your marker and put your camera on the shelf to make sure you’re in the shot. You’re just about to start on your first cover when you see a shadow of someone standing behind you. Shit.

“Hey, whaddya think you’re doing, you little shit?” You turn around slowly and reach for your camera, looking up at the person behind you. The guy is wearing a white sort of polo shirt with a popped collar, and a baseball cap and pointy anime shades indoors. Wow. You bet this guy is a massive tool.

== > Be the massive tool

Usually you don’t make a habit of letting yourself be seen or heard when sneaking up on someone, but you can’t actually strife him here in the middle of your store without wrecking all your shit. So you decide that a little good old-fashioned intimidation will suit your needs just fine.

The kid turns around at the pace of a fucking snail. He looks like he’s about to shit his pants and- holy shit, you know this kid. Well you don’t know him, but he’s all over the internet. That’s something you have in common you guess, even if it’s not exactly for the same reason. He would actually be really funny if he wasn’t such a fucking brat. His early stuff actually made you laugh a little, out loud even, but lately all he really does is vandalize shit and film reactions. Not cool. If you didn’t actually own a store, you might have thought otherwise.

What to do about this kid though? You really hate dealing with cops, and he didn’t actually get around to vandalizing anything, so the police are out of the question. You guess you should just call the kid’s parents or whatever and let them handle it. But then you remember this kid’s dad from his videos. After getting pranked, the guy would bake the kid a fucking cake and leave a note assuring him of his fatherly pride. Nope. You have a better idea.

“How old are you, kid?” Until you learn his name, you resolve to call him Lil Shit.

“Uhm, I just turned seventeen a couple months ago. Why is that relevant?” Lil Shit replies. You decide to tell him you need to know if he’ll be going to big kid jail or baby jail. This seems to upset him. Lil Shit is starting to get visibly flustered, and a little twitchy. He’s eyeing the door, totally about abscond the fuck out of there. You step between him and the door so he’d have to get past you in order to leave.

“How bout I make you a deal,” you offer him. “You work here for a year, to make up for the trouble you’re causing to businesses everywhere, and this doesn’t get mentioned to your family or the cops.” It comes out more like an order than a question, but that’s kind of what you’re going for.

== > Be Lil Shit

What? Come on. Your name is JOHN. And wow this guy is really intimidating. Shit. He’s totally a massive tool though and you are determined not to be even a little bit afraid of a guy who looks like he woke up and rolled through a pile of anime on the way out the door. Not even a little. But you can’t really see a way out of this situation aside from taking the dumb job.

You agree (reluctantly, he’s not getting off easy for this) and he makes you fill out an application and makes a copy of your ID. He tells you to call him Bro; you assume it’s short for something or maybe his real name is actually really embarrassing or something.

While he’s making the copy of your learners permit, you talk to the guy behind the counter a little bit. You learn that Bro is his older brother, and that he’s almost the same age is you. His name is Dave and you guys hit it off immediately, even if his sense of humor is really weird and he tends to ramble a lot. You exchange chumhandles before Bro comes back and tells you to leave and to come back for work at ten thirty tomorrow.

You think that that definitely could have gone a lot worse.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a little short (like really short actually i'm sorry) but it's been like a month since I posted this and just wanted to get something up. This chapter only has john's pov so maybe if I have time I'll write some bro for this scene and add it in later.  
> *EDIT: I added in Bro's part to the chapter

== > Be John

The next couple of weeks pass pretty much without incident, and you decide it’s time to put your life of petty crime behind you. You have been spending a lot of your time with Dave recently, and your dad is just happy that you have a real, in-person friend that exists somewhere outside of your computer. You might even go so far as to say he’s become your best friend. You put up with his weirdness and his “sick rhymes” (which is mostly just incoherent rambling) and he puts up with your pranks and “childish” humor. 

You don’t know what he means by this because your sense of humor is clearly superior to his weird irony shtick. And you’re definitely not immature OR naïve. There is no way. Just because you were homeschooled and occasionally needed the assistance of urbandictionary after conversations with people your own age does NOT mean that you’re not mature.

You also find out that Dave is actually the only employee that Bro has, which you think is a little weird, but whatever. Because of this, you work almost every day of the week; it’s almost a full time job. Not that you actually mind very much. You always just spent your time sitting around before anyway, and the money is definitely nice. Maybe you’ll even get your license and think about buying a car.

Today you need to be in by noon, so you have to leave your house by 11:30. Walking there isn’t too much trouble and it’s actually a pretty nice day outside, despite the heat. You used to wish your dad had never moved you from your home in Seattle to literally the hottest part of the country you have ever been before. You warmed up to it after a while though (no pun intended). Your friendship with Dave and a job to ease your boredom has helped more than you would like to admit.

One thing you had not counted on was spending so much time around Bro. You are only reminded of this fact when you get to work and discover that Dave has the day off today, so you’ll be alone in the store all day with Bro. It’s not that he’s a bad guy or anything. He’s definitely a little off, but overall pretty easy to get along with as long as you do your job. He mostly keeps to himself, working in the back or walking around observing customers. Despite this, something about him unsettles you. Sometimes you try to talk to him, only getting a grunt of acknowledgement or a one word response in return. When you talk, he doesn’t seem interested in anything you say, which is why it is so strange to you that you think you sometimes feel his eyes on you. Sometimes you think you see a flash of orange out of the corner of his shades when he thinks you’re not looking back at him.

Working alone isn’t as hard as you thought it would be. You just have to keep an eye on customers and make sure you’re near the register when they’re ready to check out. When you get a rush of customers around 3:00 though, you get a little bit overwhelmed between answering questions and ringing up customers’ items. Just when you think you’re going to need to call for help, Bro appears from the back room and opens up the second register. That was… surprisingly thoughtful. You were sure up until this point that he did not actually like you very much.

After the sudden surge of activity has died down and most of the shoppers have left the store, you turn to Bro and give him a stupid grin.

“I know you try to act like this really cool, unapproachable guy, but secretly you’re actually like a legitimately good person aren’t you?”

You think maybe you see the corner of his mouth quirk up very slightly. “You sure about that, kid?” This is probably one of the longest responses you have ever gotten from him (aside from your first encounter with him, that is). Unlike Dave, Bro is careful with his words, and doesn’t give them out freely to everyone. This makes you just a little bit happy, for completely platonic reasons of course! 

You don’t want to let the conversation die before it’s even started, so you reply, “Yes. I am, actually.”

He leans in just a fraction closer to you. His voice is just a little bit deeper than usual, you think. And you can hear the vague suggestion of a southern accent hidden under his words. “Well, I guess we’ll just have to see about that.” For some reason you feel the blood rush to your face. 

And like that, he’s gone; flashstepped away. The dumb jerk is probably watching you from somewhere you can’t see right now at this very moment. You think you feel your prankster’s gambit decrease a little.

== > Be the Dumb Jerk

Damn. This kid is definitely growing on you. You only have to say a couple of words to him and his face turns the color of a ripe cherry tomato. How old is he again? Seventeen? Not that you think you’d actually go for a kid that young. You’re thirty two already, that’s quite a bit of a gap. He’d probably get sick of you pretty quick, actually.

But for now, a little harmless flirting isn’t going to kill him. You watch him on one of the security feeds in your office in the back of the store. He’s just looking around, all flustered and shit. Fucking adorable. You could definitely get used to having him around.

The end of summer is coming up pretty soon, and Dave will be heading back for his last year of high school. You wonder if you’ll need to hire someone else. Surely even with his homeschooling, John doesn’t have the time to be at the store that often. And you don’t even know if he’ll actually want to stay once the year is up.

He probably won’t. He’ll end up going to some fancy college back in Washington, and never look back to Texas. It’s better for everyone if you don’t get attached to naïve teenagers with big smiles who wear pants that are just a _little_ bit too tight and dumb Ghostbusters t-shirts that aren’t even ironic. You know it’s already too late for Dave; John’s got him wrapped around his finger like a boa constrictor around a helpless animal.

Maybe something will happen with that. John would be good for Dave, but you think Dave has been dancing around a probably problematic relationship with some guy for a while now, not that Dave would actually ever tell you about it. And it's not like you would _mind_ if Dave had something with John. You would totally back off and not be jealous at all. Fuck, you hope that doesn’t happen. 

Your name is Dirk Strider, and you’ve got it hella bad.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this is literally the first and only draft of this so let me know if you see any mistakes. I ended up splitting the chapter because it was getting sort of long. 
> 
> I decided to use names instead of chumhandles because they are texting, not talking over pesterchum, so if I use pesterchum, I'll figure out the coding and stuff for font then

== > Be John

It’s almost the end of August, and Dave is going to have to go back to school soon. Like, in a couple of days soon. That makes you a little sad. He won’t be able to hang out with you nearly as much now. Probably just on the weekends and online. What will you even do with all your time?

You could go back to watching movies all the time and spending your day on the internet again, you guess. You’ve been working on homeschool stuff for the past couple of summers and it really lightened the workload for the school year. You were really mad at your dad when he first insisted on homework in the summer, but you’re really thankful for it now. You could even graduate early if you really felt like it; but you probably won’t. 

You’ve enjoyed how things have been for the last month or so, so you will probably just keep working in the Striders’ store until you go to college. That is, if they still want you to work there. Your agreement was only until the year is up, but surely if you want to work, they’ll let you, right? Bro even seems to have warmed up to you a little. He’s still a pretty weird guy, but sometimes he’ll ruffle your hair or make a joke while you’re working. He’s only really nice to you like that when no one’s around though. When Dave is in the store, Bro usually keeps his distance and does his own thing.

That kind of… disappoints you actually. Not that you really want to spend all your time with Bro. No way. You just don’t get why he’s really nice to you sometimes, and completely distant the next day. Maybe he doesn’t want to shatter his “cool” persona. You bet that’s it. He is such a loser.

You and Dave are supposed to hang out today. He has to get supplies for school. Haha, sucker. You definitely plan on making fun of him for it. You also can’t believe he left this to the last week. You’re supposed to meet him at the mall pretty soon, so you get off the internet and leave your house. You text your dad that you might not be home when he gets back from work, and start walking. You really are starting to think that you need a car.

You’re about ten minutes from the mall when your phone goes off in your pocket. It’s Dave.

Dave: hey man im sorry something came up i cant go shopping today

What? No way. He asked you to go with him like a week ago. What are you going to do now that you’re out?

eb: what? dude, come on. what came up? I’m already walking towards the mall.  
tg: sorry bro its just  
tg: ive got a thing  
eb: a thing? are you okay, dave? you’re not even rambling about anything  
tg: what no im totally cool right now  
tg: im doing so good man i just have someone ive gotta deal with  
eb: okay, dave but you know i’m asking you about this later! because i know you don’t have any other friends in real life.  
tg: what no man ive got so many friends you dont even know  
tg: like all of the friends its like im the crazy old cat lady  
tg: and the cats  
tg: are my friends  
eb: … okayy, whatever you say. i’ll talk to you later then I guess  
tg: yeah see you

That was a little bit weird. But Dave is always sort of weird you guess. You decide to let it go. It might be important. You wonder briefly if you should have offered to help with whatever it was, but he seemed pretty preoccupied.

You get an idea. You’re near the shop right now so maybe you’ll stop by and see if Bro needs you for anything. Your mood is suddenly a little better. At least you have something to do now. 

You round the last corner and reach the door of the shop. Oh man, you forgot it’s Sunday. The store closes early today, at noon. You check the time on your phone. It’s only ten minutes until 12. Damn, you might as well go inside and say hey.

You push your way through the door but the store looks empty from what you can see. Bro must be in the back getting ready to close up for today. Or, alternatively, he could be creepily watching you from the shadows or the ceiling or wherever it is that he hides when he’s being totally weird. You’re just going to assume he’s in the back.

You go behind the counter and enter room where all the extra stock and the security footage are. Bro likes to use the back corner of the small room as his office. You walk in and find him hunched over his desk. It looks like he’s working on something, and in the midst of deep thought. You think this might be the one time in your life that you will ever sneak up on Bro Strider.

His desk is littered with papers and small mechanical parts. You wonder what he’s doing while he’s supposed to be watching the security cameras for customers. You’re thinking seriously about pranking him when it dawns on you. He’s not wearing his shades. You can’t see the front of his face, but you can tell the signature glasses are missing because he doesn’t have those little black points poking out from his profile. Also you can see them lying on the desk.

You don’t really know how to approach him so you just say, “Hey, Bro.”  
He whips his head around and looks at you for a moment before pulling himself back into reality. For a moment you get a good look at his eyes. Orange. Bright orange. How can that be natural? You don’t think he wears contacts. There would be no point since he wears sunglasses all the time. But as fast as they appeared, Bro had his shades back on within the next second. You can’t help but feel a little bit disappointed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John spends some time with Bro

== > Be Bro

Shit, fuck. You didn’t even hear John come into the store. How did he manage to sneak up on you like this? Sometimes, when you’re working on a project, you just become absorbed in it, and everything else fades into the background. When this happens sometimes hours can go by and you won’t even notice. Hell, it just feels like a few minutes to you.

There’s no way he didn’t see your eyes just now. You had your shades back on in record time, but he definitely got a good look at your face without them. You’re not sure how you feel about this. Your shades are your first line of defense and a way to keep people out. You’re old enough and self-aware enough to admit that.

Usually when someone sees your face so naked, it makes you feel exposed and vulnerable. You do your damndest to keep people detached, and you like it that way. But there’s something about the way John is looking at you. He doesn’t look shocked or fascinated by the color of your eyes. You’re used to people treating you like some kind of oddity if they see them. They look at you the way a tourist looks at an animal in a zoo. John isn’t doing any of that. Instead, he’s looking at you more like someone would look at the stars. What’s the word for that? Wonder, maybe?

“Hey, kid,” you manage after a few moments. He tells you he hates it when you call him kid, but you think he secretly likes it. “What’re you doin’ here? Thought you were supposed to be out with Dave today.”

“I was,” he replies. “But, Dave ditched me and I was already out so I thought I’d come by the store. I forgot it was closed early today, actually.” He looks a little bit flustered. He won’t quite make eye contact, which is dumb because you’re wearing your shades again.

“He ditched you? What for? Does he even have any IRL friends to ditch you _for_?”

“Bro, did you just say IRL out loud? Like in real life conversation?” He pauses for a second. “Oh, sorry, RL conversation?”

Fucking smartass. That doesn’t answer your question either. You’d wanna know if Dave was getting mixed up in shit he can’t handle. He’s been acting a little off lately.

“Shut up, Egbert. And you didn’t answer my question.” Maybe you can get a real response out of him that isn’t sarcasm or mocking this time.

“I dunno, he said he had a thing to do. He was really vague about it. It was kinda strange I guess but whatever.” He stops and looks over at your work table. “So what are you working on back here? Because it doesn’t look like you were watching the monitors, and you kinda forgot to close up the store.”

“Shit.” You did. What time is it? You really need to do that. You stand up from your chair and grab the keys from the desk. “Come on, help me close up. I’ll show you when we’re done.”

“Yeah, alright!” he beams back at you. Why does he have to be so damn cheerful? He can’t be this excitable all the time. It would be exhausting.

You go to lock the front door and John starts cleaning up the area around the register. Should you be paying him for this? He is technically working.

“Just so you know, you’re not getting paid for this shit, kid,” well, that was not exactly what you had meant to say but, oh well. It’s probably better if he just thinks you’re an asshole. Things will work out better that way.

“Yeah, I kind of figured that,” he calls over. “It’s fine. I just came by to say hi anyway. I don’t mind closing up while I’m here.” Well now you just feel guilty. He’s too sweet. But you know that’s only because you’re his boss. He’s kind of an asshole sometimes, to Dave especially, even though he’s pulling far fewer pranks than before.

You pull the door once to make sure it’s locked and help John finish organizing the front desk. You’re stacking up some receipts when you notice him looking at you. You turn your head to meet his stare, which of course causes him to look away immediately and pretend he was doing something else the whole time.

You decide that the store is clean enough to leave it like this until tomorrow. Everything is in order and accounted for.

“Wanna come back and see what I was doing?” John lifts his head at your question and nods emphatically.   
The back room is kind of a mess, as always, and so is your work bench. But you know where everything goes. You have a system.

“Bro, what am I looking at here? What is all this stuff?” John gestures to the various mechanical parts and tools strewn about the area.

“It’s an ongoing project I’ve been working on,” you answer. “It’s eventually going to be a robot.”

“Holy shit, Bro. Like what kind of robot? What stuff will it do?” You’ve never seen John look this enthusiastic about something, even his shitty movies. That makes you feel kind of happy. No one has ever really taken an interest in your programming or robotics before. Not that you have anyone to blame but yourself on that front. You’ve never shown anyone before. Dave knows you like to mess around with the stuff, but he doesn’t know you take any of it seriously. You don’t think he knows you take _anything_ seriously, actually.

You proceed to explain that the robot is going to be programmed for basic household chores, stuff you don’t wanna do, and strifing. You tell him about the other rap-bots you made as a teenager and some of the other projects you’ve been working on lately. And John is actually responding. He seems enraptured by all of it.

When you finish telling him about your robotic endeavors, you realize this is the longest you’ve talked to anyone in a really long time. Years, probably. You feel yourself about to do something really, really stupid.

“So, kid, do you wanna go watch a movie, or something?”


	5. Chapter 5

== > Be John

Hell yes you want to watch a movie. When do you NOT want to watch a movie? Bro is way cooler than you thought before. All of that robot stuff is like super awesome. Why didn’t Dave mention any of that to you? Maybe he doesn’t know about it. Or maybe it’s like, a secret or something. As you’re beginning to envision your robot-filled future, complete with flying cars, Bro snaps you out of your stupor.

“So, what do you wanna go see?” Bro is looking at you expectantly. At least, you think he is. Damn those shades.

“Oh! Um, we don’t have to _go_ to a movie. We could just pick a dvd or something if you want to.” Would going to the movies with Bro be weird? He is your boss, and like, fifteen years older than you or something.

“Nah, I feel like goin’. I haven’t been to one in a while. I’ll pay for your ticket if that’s what you’re worryin’ about.”

What? You can’t let him do that! You have your own money, and that would be way too much like a date! Date? You wouldn’t go on a date with bro, gross! You tell him that it’s fine and you can afford to pay for your own ticket. There, it’s settled.

“Just think of it as compensation for your unpaid work just now.” There’s something in his voice that tells you he’s done arguing about it, and strangely, you’re okay with that. “Have you decided on a movie?”

 

== > Be Bro

You end up seeing some action thriller movie at one of those two dollar theaters that shows movies that are three months old. It’s one of those places where the back row isn’t very elevated and the floor is covered with cheap space-patterned carpet. Before the movie, John gets distracted and wastes all his spare change on arcade games and you end up having to buy his popcorn. You were gonna get yourself Reese’s Cups but apparently John is allergic to peanuts, and you’d really like to not kill him on your first date. Not that that’s what this is.

The movie ends up being alright. It’s not good enough to be great, but also not bad enough to be ironically good. John is really into it though. He’s literally on the edge of his seat during every fight, every explosion, and every “shocking twist”. You swear you see him crying when the female love interest is tragically murdered by the antagonist. How can someone stand to be so unapologetically expressive? You were never like that, even as a child. You suppose it has something to do with the fact that you had to grow up too fast, and John has been sheltered by his loving father his entire life.

It strikes you then just how different you are from John. What made you think this whole thing was a good idea? It’s not like this relationship can go anywhere. John is way too young for you to be pursuing romantically, he’s most likely straight, and even if he weren’t, what in the world would he see in you? A thirty-two year old man that lives in a tiny apartment making puppet porn that you’re not even sure is ironic anymore?

And despite knowing and feeling all of this, you still want to try. You haven’t felt that way in a long time. You decide that even though there’s no way John would want to date you, it doesn’t mean you can’t get close to him. It’s not like he has to know.

== >Be John

The movie you saw was actually really good. It had everything a movie requires to be good: action, excitement, a rugged but heroic protagonist, everything. You can’t tell if Bro liked it or not. He went back to being his usual quiet self after the movie ended. You hope he goes back to talking to you soon. It’s actually really nice not being intimidated by him, and knowing that you can talk to him if you need to.

After the movie, he offers to drive you home, even though your house is on the edge of the city towards the suburbs and is actually pretty out of the way for him. In the car, you thank him for taking you out, and in return receive a noncommittal “sure.” You hope you didn’t do anything wrong.

When you get home, you’re really hungry. Wow, it’s already evening. You go into the kitchen and start to make some instant noodles. You wish Bro had taken you to get something to eat after the movie. In a totally platonic sort of way. You could have talked to him some more, and maybe figured out if something was wrong with him. Maybe you could have figured out his real name. You’re not an idiot; there’s no way it’s Bro.

You could always message him on pesterchum or text him, but you don’t have his handle or his number. Maybe Dave would give them to you if you asked for them. But no way, you don’t want to ask Dave. He would just try to say you have a crush on his bro, and tease you about it relentlessly. And you would try to explain that you just want to talk to Bro some more, because he’s actually a really interesting guy, and you want to get to know him better. Maybe you could hang out with him some more at the shop some time.

You’re thinking about how to get Dave to give you his number when you have to stop and sit down at the kitchen table. Because _Oh, no._ You definitely have a crush on Bro Strider.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHO'S FUCKING BACK? (it me)

== > Continue Being John  
Well. This was not a development that you had anticipated. At all really. You briefly wonder if this means you’re gay. But you don’t think so. Because you definitely still think girls are great. But maybe that’s why you just haven’t ever considered guys before? You need to work through all of this complicated emotional stuff. But there’s no way you can talk to dave about this, he would definitely want to know what brought this on. And Rose isn’t an option either. She would just brag about how she knew it all along and then grill you about the workings of your inner mind or something dumb like that. You’re gonna have to work this one out yourself. It’s not like you don’t have options. After all, there’s always the internet.

Several hours later you are more confused than you started out. Apparently there’s a whole lot of shit you didn’t know. You just decide that for now, you’re going to settle on tentatively bi-curious and leave it at that. Your expedition for knowledge led you to dark corners of cyberspace where you found out there are a lot more sexualities than you thought there were, and more types of porn than you thought too. Some of that stuff you would rather just forget you saw.

You’re probably taking this whole thing way too seriously. It’s probably not even a real crush. He’s just a cool guy that you like to hang out with who happens to be incredibly attractive under about five layers of pseudo-ironic douchebaggery. You start to wonder how he _does_ look under all of those dumb clothes. 

Heat flushes your face, and you feel all the blood that didn’t just rush to your head go to your crotch. You’re pretty sure that leaves no blood left for your middle, which is probably why your stomach feels so fluttery. You quickly lock your door and flop down on your bed. You tug off your pants and discard them on the floor. 

You slide your hand down until you feel your fingers brush sensitive flesh. You shudder at the feeling. You stroke a couple of times before deciding it doesn’t feel right, and roll over onto your knees, propping yourself up on the elbow of your free arm. You also reach into your bedside table and pull out the bottle of lubricant Dave bought you as a joke a couple of weeks ago. You slick your hand down with it and go back to touching yourself. On your knees, you can’t help but think about what it would feel like to have Bro on top of you. You picture that it’s his hand touching you instead of your own, just to see if it does anything for you.

It does. Your orgasm takes you by surprise, and you come thinking about the color of his eyes. That is so fucking gay you can’t believe yourself right now. You collapse in a show of defeat, exhaustion, and acceptance. 

You wash your comforter before your dad gets home, and take a shower.

You are both excited and horrified that you have to go in to work tomorrow morning.

== > Be Bro

You feel really fucking guilty, not an emotion that comes easily to you. John has been avoiding you for his entire shift and you think it’s because you freaked him out yesterday. You shouldn’t have offered to take him to the movies. You’re almost twice his age and he was probably just being nice to you.

Fuck. You should apologize. But Dave is here too.

“Hey Dave,” you say. “Go take the trash out, will ya? It’s piling up back there and the truck comes today.”Dave grumbles something derogatory but heads out the back. That should take him at least a couple of minutes. 

You flashstep to John so he can’t run away before he sees you. “Hey, uh, John,” you start. Real smooth operator. “I’m sorry if you feel weird about yesterday.” That’s a good start, probably. “If hanging out with me freaked you out, we can just pretend it never happened. I am a lot older than you, so I totally understand.” Great, you’re communicating like a real human and also managing not to manipulate him into feeling bad for you. Congratulations, you’re maturing.

“What?” John looks surprised, which makes you look surprised. Well, as surprised as you can look. “I had a great time yesterday, that movie was so good!” Huh. Well, you have no idea what his problem is then? You ask him that.

“Uh. Heh. It’s nothing really.” He avoids making eye contact and his face is a little red. “I’m totally fine!” Well, he’s clearly hiding something, but you choose not to push it. “Actually, I was wondering… Um, I wanted to call you and thank you yesterday. But I, uh, I don’t have your number. So I was wondering.. if maybe I could have it?” You’re pretty sure your eyebrows actually go up at that, but, against your better judgement, you agree. You scrawl the number on some receipt paper, and hastily retreat to the safety of the back room. You are beginning to think you’re way in over your head.

When Dave comes back, you expertly pretend that nothing’s wrong, and go about your daily business. You don’t plan on texting John. There’s no way you’re gonna make the first move on that one. Despite your cool facade, you’ve only had a couple of relationships and your life and they have all crashed and burned horribly. Let’s face it, you have no idea what the fuck you’re doing.


	7. Chapter 7

== > Be John

You hold your phone in the sweaty palm of your hand, heart pounding. You just texted Bro for the first time after getting his number. You don’t know how he’ll respond to your message, or if he’ll respond at all. Did you say the right thing? Was it too short? You’re overthinking this but you can’t stop the thoughts racing through your mind. You labored over what to say for a full fifteen minutes, typing and retyping, deleting and then typing the same thing again.

Hey

Taptaptap on the backspace.

What’s up?

Not quite right. Taptaptaptaptaptaptap.

Hey!

Too enthusiastic. Again, the backspace.

“...ectoBiologist is typing…”

You labored over capitalization and punctuation. Would proper grammar be too formal? Would a period at the end sound too serious?  
Eventually, you just settled on “hey.”

TT: Hey.

EB: thanks again for going to the movies with me. that was really fun!

TT: No problem.

EB: So am I going to have to leave your name in my phone as Bro or are you going to tell me your real one? I know your name can’t really be Bro.

EB: You douche.

TT: Nope. I’m like a magical creature, you know. My true name is very privileged information. I don’t give that shit out to just anyone.

EB: what if I just look at your driver’s license or something? i’m sure it’s written down somewhere :P

TT: You’ll never find out.

TT: ;)

EB: no. just, no. no winky smilies ever again, please.

You continue on like that for hours into the night, dimly lit by the light of your phone underneath your blanket. You learn things about Bro that you didn’t know before, like the fact that he’s always liked robots and puppets, that he’s funny, and that he miraculously got custody of Dave when he was eighteen and Dave was only three because their parents were shitty and never around anyway. He changed the subject right after that, and you don’t blame him.

He talks about how he was the “weird horse kid” when he was in school, which surprises you but makes sense in retrospect, and about how he used to make smuppets for extra money when Dave was little, but now he just does it ironically. 

You drift off to sleep with your phone resting on your cheek at some unholy hour of the night feeling contented and warm.

== > Be Bro  
By the end of your conversation with John, you feel like you’ve just exposed everything about yourself. You feel suddenly stripped naked and full of regret, but also somehow not regret. You feel relieved and nervous and happy and scared all at once.

It wasn’t a one-way street though. While he was learning about you, you were learning about him too. You know now that he’s ahead in his home-school work and might graduate early, but he wants to take a short break before college because he doesn’t know what he wants to study, or if he even wants to go. You know that he doesn’t like sweets, and he especially hates cakes thanks to his dad’s overzealous baking. You also learn things that he didn’t tell you himself, like that he’s easily flustered and he sometimes doesn’t contract his words when he types because he’s a fucking dork. 

You can tell he fell asleep after he stops replying to your texts, and you decide to turn in for the night, yourself. You go through your nighttime routine feeling different than usual, lighter. 

You float off to the bathroom in a haze. Well, you flashstep, which you suppose is kind of like floating. You brush your teeth and rinse your mouth with a swig of orange soda that you keep in your medicine cabinet, which is less of a cabinet and more like a small substitute refrigerator since yours is full of swords.

You take a long, steamy shower and sing along to the playlist of vintage anime openings on your phone. You did painstakingly install a waterproof sound system in the bathroom for a reason, after all. 

When you step out into the hallway, still humming, Dave is looking at you with a peculiar expression on his face.

“What? Did I grow an extra head or something, dude?” You ask him.

“Were you,” he takes a small pause “singing in there?” he asks you incredulously.

“I always have music on in the shower, kiddo,” you say like it’s obvious.

“Whatever,” is his clever retort.

 _Whatever_ is your own internal response. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for shit. You flip off the light in the living room and settle onto the futon that you’ve slept on for the past fourteen years. 

You fall asleep thinking about blue eyes and soft skin.


End file.
